HW # 48 - Family Perspectives on the Care of the Dead

I interviewed my two grandmothers and my father on the subject of the care of the
dead and was surprised that they all favor cremation over burial. My grandmother on
my father’s side says that she is probably the first one in her family who will be cremated. “I don’t want to rot. Why would anyone want to rot?” She does want to
have a wake though. Her husband was cremated, but he had a wake first. She thinks
it helps family members and friends to see the person “lying in peace.” Her husband’s ashes are in an urn in their church, but she just went to visit and took some of them to bring to relatives in South Carolina where he was born. My other grandmother believes in cremation because she does not want to take up space in the ground or use a coffin, which she thinks is wasteful. She thinks that wakes are “ridiculous”. She wants her ashes to be scattered even though all her family members are buried in the same place in England. Both grandmothers are breaking traditions in their families by being cremated. My dad says he wants to be cremated and to “have the ashes thrown away on the spot.” He thinks that keeping human ashes with little bits of bone and teeth in them is disgusting. I believe that all three think that spending a lot of money on a casket and burial makes no sense. My grandmother on my mother’s side who has very little money was still willing to pay a lot for a wake and for a funeral home to make her husband look nice. It was important to her to have friends say how handsome he was. For her a memorial service or a funeral is a big social occasion. For my other grandmother and my father funerals and memorial services are events to avoid if at all possible. According to the New York Times, in 2005 28 per cent of Americans were cremated. In more recent articles written by funeral homes it seems as though at least one-third of the American population is choosing cremation over burial because cremation is cheaper, simpler, and better for the environment.

My two grandmothers do not agree about donating organs after death. My dad’s mother said, “Every bone in my body is tired, and all my organs must be too. I don’t wish them on anybody.” My other grandmother filled out an organ donor card in her fifties. At first she was only donating her eyes, but now she has said her body can be used generally for organ donation. She also filled out a form that said it could be used for research because her doctor told her that she had had interesting surgery that saved her life when she was young and that seeing what was done could be useful. She has also filled out the Right to Life forms and a few other ones so that she won’t be kept alive on machines. She hates hearing stories that doctors don’t always pay attention to these requests. My dad says he will eventually fill out an organ donor card, and my grandmother told him, “What are you waiting for?”