This weekend my brother’s girlfriend arranged for me to visit her best friend’s father, who has lung cancer. It wasn’t as weird as an arrangement as it sounds because I have met this man several times. His wife and daughter had to go to a wedding, and he did not feel up to going. I was told I could be helpful heating some soup for his lunch both days and just keeping him company for an hour or two.
When I arrived at their apartment on the Lower East Side, I was a little nervous because I had seen him about two months ago, and he was walking around and acting normally. He was much thinner now, and he was breathing incredibly heavily. I would have been terrified if I had not been warned about his condition. There was a wheel chair, but he was sitting in a straight backed chair, because he said it sitting up straight helped him breathe more easily. His wife showed me how to heat the soup and give it to him with a straw because that made it easier for him. She said that on of their friends would be coming in two hours and said that it would be great if I could have a conversation with him about sports, which he loves, and what is going on in my life. I asked if he needed any medicine, but she said that had been taken care of and that I didn’t have to worry about him getting to the bathroom on his own or anything like that. Their daughter told me that the doctors had told him that he had about six months to live. He had been operated on for lung cancer a year ago and seemed cured. Sadly, it had come back. I expected him to be in worse shape I guess.
He asked for some water before I sat down so that he could speak more “fluidly” with me. I started by saying I was so sorry that he was having such a bad time. He told me that he had probably smoked one too many cigarettes in his twenties, thirties, and forties, and that he was probably lucky to have made it to the age of 70. He has a great sense of humor which made my visits a thousand percent easier. I asked if he had seen the Jets game. He said he hadn’t because it would hurt too much to watch “that cheat” Bill Belichick win another game versus the Jets. That’s when I knew I had found a friend. I responded that I felt the same way about game 7 of the NBA finals between the Lakers and the Celtics. I knew that if I watched, I would jinx the Lakers and the Celtics would come out on top. I then talked about how the approximately 10 NY Knicks games I’ve been to in my entire life have all been victories. It would only make sense to give me season tickets. He agreed. It was very interesting how he could keep up a conversation for hours about current players when most elderly people I have met seem frozen in the land of Magic and Bird in the 80s as well as Jordan and Pippen in the 90s.
I had another visit with him today, and we began with sports again. He asked me about my soccer, and we started talking about the U.S. looking a lot stronger in the last World Cup. Then he told me that his daughter had mentioned my Illness & Dying Unit at school, and he wondered if he could tell me anything that might be helpful. I must have looked uncomfortable because he said, “Hey, one day you could be in my place. Do you smoke?” I said that my coaches would have kill me if I did. Then he said that it was helpful to him to be helpful to me. The terrible thing about being sick is that you feel you can’t be useful. I told him a little about the class and what we had learned about negative practices in this country concerning death and dying. He said that health care was a racket because of the greed of the insurance and drug companies and that he would never want to be on life support. I asked if he had a Living Will. He said he got one when he was first diagnosed with lung cancer. He also has an organ donation card figuring that some of his organs, especially his eyes, could help someone else. He thinks everyone should have a Living Will and made his wife and daughter get one. Then he had a coughing fit, and I went to get some water and a straw. I asked if he should take a rest from talking, and he asked if I would like to read some sports news to him. I read an article from the news paper and then I went to online to ESPN. His wife returned in time for me to get to soccer training, and they both thanked me profusely. I said that I should be thanking them. I had had a really nice time, and I meant it.
Mazel tov!
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