HW # 28 - Comments 2

For Ben’s Blog

From your description of visiting your friend who was dying from ALS, I have a picture of your parents with nonstop smiles on their faces, of your friend the patient smiling quite a lot, and of you with a slightly smaller smile wondering why everyone seems to have exaggerated smiles on their faces at such an unsmiley time. Later you explain that keeping a positive attitude results in a patient’s more positive attitude, but I think your observation of the irony of acting almost too happy at such an unhappy time is a great insight. In a way visiting a dying person does require a good acting job because visitors cannot show their depression and make the dying person feel even worse. Smiles are infectious, and smiling at someone almost forces that person to smile back. Smiles can also be a nervous reaction and there is probably some of that going on too. I liked the description of the dying friend describing all the nurses who were taking care of him. They make up his world, and it is great that he could praise some and be critical of others and give you a picture of what was going on in his life especially when it was so hard to talk. It probably took a lot of effort trying to understand your friend speak. I was just curious about what his room was like and whether he had tubes and medical equipment attached to him. I also wondered how old his daughter was. You made me want to know more about him.

For Natalie’s Blog

I really liked the honest way you expressed your feelings about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home. The fact that she wasn’t there because she had scheduled an appointment at the same time as your visit says a lot about how the old are just not living
in the same world, and that this fact makes dealing with them take a lot of effort. It was interesting hearing about what a complicated maze the place is considering it is housing people whose minds aren’t at their peak and about your father’s comments on the pill box being complicated too. Both were good insights on how we don’t seem to design things for the elderly with them in mind. I also liked your line about your grandmother having a boyfriend and there not being any pictures of him among all the pictures of her family. I think the idea was that she would not have thought that it would have been proper to have his picture there. It was also funny that you only found three pictures of yourself, and I think it is just human nature to look for pictures of ourselves in that situation. The best part I thought was your description of how you just wanted to get out of the atmosphere of age and illness and thoughts of dying, even saying that you did not want to touch anything there. I understand completely. You just didn’t want any of that atmosphere to infect you or even rub off on you in any way. Your comments on sitting with her when she was opening her presents were insightful too. But why was she so ignorant when she said she was surprised things weren’t made in China when most things are now? Maybe the presents were expensive ones, and her comments were insulting. Anyway the line about her being left with people “who smirk after her comments and dread going to visit her” made me hope that this is not what is in store for all of us as we get up there in age. It probably is though. Great job.


From Mom

First of all, I am so glad about this assignment because I don’t think Devin would have gone to visit our friend Gloria by himself otherwise. At his age I wouldn’t have wanted to make this visit by myself either. There is nothing appealing about visiting a dying person. I felt proud to read that Devin had touched her hand because I know that must have meant a lot to Gloria and to Maria, and it can be hard to do. I liked the reference he made to what Paul Farmer said about the connection that touching an ill person makes. It’s good that he wasn’t uncomfortable or scared. The best part of his visit was hearing that he took the David Sedaris book I received as a present with him and actually read something from it to Gloria. I have just skimmed through the stories and there really isn’t one that is clean enough to read to Maria yet alone to Gloria. Both are very religious Catholics, who never use bad language. Devin must have looked hard to find the section he read out loud and I am sure that he did some editing. I’m also sure that Gloria heard him and loved the fact that he was reading something funny to her. One last comment I have is about his asking Maria if Gloria would be going to the hospital. He knew that Maria was keeping her at home, but I think when he was there with Gloria that it seemed to him that she should be in a hospital because she looked so ill. This seems like a normal reaction. If someone is very sick and possibly dying, then there should be doctors and nurses to look after this person. The visit to the class from the woman named Beth whose husband died must have made a very positive impression, and I liked the wording Devin used when he said that Maria and Beth were giving “their family member the most dignified dying experience possible.”

From Demetri

This story reminds me of my aunt. I visit her every week in the hospital and i read stories to her. We are now reading the Prophet and im having trouble understanding it but she helps get the meaning of the story. She teaches me things and she tells me story of her wonderful life. And i have a wonderful time visiting her.


From Ben

The part about this post that I enjoyed the most was the way you were able to connect the insights you made from visiting Gloria to the insights you had previously came up with while reading Mountains Beyond Mountains and while listening to Beth. For instance, when you said, "Both of them wanted to give their family member the most dignified dying experience possible. Both also had a lot of pictures in the room to give visitors of sense of the person and also to make the dying person have good memories," you did a great job of connecting to specific things that Beth said when thinking of your own experience in the hospital. I also really liked the way your writing had a very personal touch to it.


From Juggleandhope

I'll be interested to learn how this experience either lives with you or gets buried by your life.

I'll ask you in 3 years.

In the meantime, it sounds like the dance went pretty smoothly - you were helped in the choreography by your mom, by Maria, and by Gloria herself including props (bulbs), key moments (the hand-holding), and task (reading). Lucky! A lot of life feels easier and sweeter when you know the standard steps.

Would you change the general choreography at all when you visit the next ill person?

From Natalie
I enjoyed your post particularly because you did not completely focus on Gloria's current state, but instead reminisced on how she used to be. For example that she was married and how you used to go the store for her. It's apparent that even though she is slowly reaching the end of her life, you are still able to remember that she is a person and lived a fulfilled life. I think a lot of times our society hides the ill and dying and forgets that they too used to carry out a normal, routine life. Overall I really like how you wrote this post, it demonstrated your emotions and internal thoughts throughout the entire experience.